Overthinking, loneliness, panic attacks. Just three of the things in my life all caused by anxiety. Anxiety makes every day for me, a battle. A never ending battle.
Anxiety makes my day, not a simple day. All I do now, is wake up at a stupid time due to my anxiety not making me sleep until like 5am, and then just eat and go on my computer, Sad, I know. Life gets so overwhelming at most times, down to this stupid, annoying anxiety.
As I write this post, about a hour ago I had a bad panic attack, guess what over. My CBT session this coming Wednesday, of all things I could of had a panic attack about, it was the thing that’s trying to help me, how fun. Anxiety also makes my mood swing from good to bad so often throughout the day, in the morning I could be ready to face my fears, maybe go out, go shopping I don’t know. However, I start to overthink every bad situation “What if I fall over in public” “People will hear my pathetic voice and judge me” “I look so stupid worrying about everything, people know I worry” All these thoughts run through my head whilst I try to go out. I just end up not going out, and it upsets me. It makes me cry. I spend all my life (apart from going DRs, therapy etc) indoors from the first day I quit my job due to my anxiety just overpowering everything.
The past 4 almost 5 years have been hell with anxiety, starting from high school, everyone obviously misjudged it as just to be nerves, even my mentor in every one of my class misjudged it. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, anxiety also makes me leave stupidly early just so I’m not late, but then that makes me think like “er, they are going to judge me so much for being early” you just cant win.
As always, thanks for reading.