CBT: Sixteenth Session

I have had a fairly good week coming up to this session, things were going to plan, I did exposure therapy once and went out fishing every day, however.. my mood swings have been really bad, like I feel so depressed but half an hour later I’m on some sort of high and enjoying everything? It’s so tiring and frustrating… I know it’s not normal but I don’t know what’s causing it which is even more frustrating!

I also worry about losing my friends and being lonely. I told my therapist all of this, the session didn’t turn out to be like CBT but it was basically a talking session where I just spoke about what I was feeling, sometimes you need sessions like this, it really helps a lot!

My therapist mentioned that the mood swings can be caused by me working on my mental health as doing so can make you really happy or really depressed very often, I didn’t really think about it like that, but she is a therapist and I’m not smart haha!

We went to exposure therapy, she mentioned that I really need to try my hardest doing it more than once, but I am. It’s extremely hard and she knows that and said don’t get down about not being able to do it, easier said than done! I am hoping and praying I’ll do it more than once before my next session.

My therapist mentioned an assessment but didn’t say anything more about it. Truthfully, I want to ask for one as I know something isn’t wrong and I’m pretty sure it’s not to do with my mental illness’ I’ve been diagnosed with. That is just so scary for me, it may seem such a small thing to ask for but I’m honestly so scared of doing it, I hope I am able to ask, I really want to ask. Ugh, why are these things so hard?!

I hope my next session goes well, I’m not feeling confident about CBT at the moment, I’m not sure but all that confidence and hopefulness has just emptied out of me and I can’t find the reason why.

Liam

Living with a speech problem

I’ve been unable to speak properly all my life, I’ve had years of speech therapy but it hasn’t worked, one bit. I have dyspraxia but I have not officially been told if it’s linked to my dyspraxia. Something has to have caused me to not be able to speak, but no consultant has found out why. I can’t pronounce certain letters like G, Q, K, V and others. I also stutter so much and speak very fast, people say I speak too fast so much, but I can’t control it. I wish I could.

I get annoyed with myself so often for not being able to pronounce things properly, and when people ask me to repeat what I said – everybody does this, even family (I can’t blame them for asking, if they don’t understand something, they would ask as they want to know). I get so angry with myself but I need to learn to not, but it’s a really hard thing to learn, hopefully, I’ll get the hang of it one day. I can’t help that I have a speech problem, but my god.. what I’d do to just get rid of it somehow.

Countless years of speech therapy, attempting so many different methods and it’s not worked.  If I remember correctly, I didn’t learn to speak until pretty late, like 5 or 6?

My life with a speech problem has been hard, it is the cause of my social anxiety (80% certain) Bullying, people asking you to repeat every single thing most of the time. It’s certainly very frustrating.

Bullying has been a big problem, especially in high school, I expected it to be honest, but it was constant throughout high school. Comments, people purposely not pronouncing things right when I come into the room, or into the area. People mimicking me, telling me to “learn to speak properly” A comment which has been said many, many times. If I could… learn” I’d actually love to be able to speak properly, it’d change my life, completely. It has been something which people just seem to notice and say things about, it stops me from going out because I am scared of people not understanding me, people saying things and judging me.

I wish I could speak properly like people can do. It’s something that has affected my life in many ways, it has made me have so low self-esteem, it’s made me scared of going out, and possibly the cause of most of my MH problems really. If I was able to speak properly, would I not be so afraid of what people think about me? Who knows…

 

Liam